I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
