FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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