I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
