you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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