you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
