Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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