apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize