do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
