I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
