U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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