you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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