you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
