I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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