i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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