i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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