I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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