Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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