I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Randomize
