Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
