We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize