hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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