And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
