I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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