I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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