They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
