glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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