if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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