I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
