I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
