I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
