i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
