My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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