i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
