i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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