my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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