I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
