Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
