Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize