So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
