If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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