Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
