Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Randomize
