yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
