The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize