I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
