You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
