Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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