I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
