super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
