You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
