Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
