mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
