I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dick very happy bro
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
