happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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