That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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