So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
