it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
The Olympian is in my bed
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