I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
