There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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