In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
