Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
