OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
