and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
