I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
