White coat. Heels.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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