did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
