Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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