i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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