when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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