LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
