is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
