I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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