Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
