I bet he comes in French.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
