he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
