I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize