How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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