good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
