guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am mentally ready for anal.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
